Should you forgive those who hurt you? Should you forgive those who harm you? #beyourownguru #BYOG
Further to our discussion on harm, closely linked is the concept of forgiveness. Should you forgive those who hurt you? Should you forgive those who harm you?
And I read a brilliant quote from someone’s grandmother somewhere on the net and it said something to this effect it said: forgiveness should not visit where repentance does not dwell.
Brilliant! It exactly sums up my feeling on forgiveness. And that is absolutely true.
Because forgiveness isn’t like a benediction from above, we are not waving magic wands and somehow absolving someone of blame and responsibility, or we shouldn’t be.
We shouldn’t forgive people who are not taking responsibility for what they did, who are not accountable for what they did and who aren’t repenting about what they did.
And I feel in today’s world it’s a much abused thing. There are lot of people running about thinking they can behave anyway they like, hurt anyone they like and somehow it is the other person’s imperative to forgive them. And it is their right to be forgiven.
No such thing. Forgiveness as with anything else in life must, quite rightfully, be earned. Be appropriate.
Because otherwise what happens?
The person being forgiven might continue to do the destructive things they’re doing and expect to get a pass every time.
So this has equal downsides for the person who is the brunt of the harm that they are causing and for themselves. Because, at the end of the day, the person causing harm at some point in time is going to come up against someone they cannot “defeat” or they cannot take advantage of and they are going to come a cropper.
And without question the person who is at the receiving end of the harm is being harmed so they are not benefiting from their acts of forgiveness either.
I also don’t believe in revenge because that just starts an unending cycle of evil feelings, which is not what we’re here for.
However, there is a happy middle ground of acceptance in the first place. Accepting that that person is a harmful person towards you, and that’s all you need to know. If they are being very kind to other people, that’s all very well, but as a minimum they need to be kind to you.
And if they’re not doing that, then accept that they’re not doing that, accept that they are harming you and do something about it.
Because if you are constantly having hurt and destructive things coming at you you will find it very hard to reach for the you, the powerful person that you can be, that is inside you, you will find it very hard to reach for that person.
So if we return to forgiveness, be careful who you forgive and make sure that that forgiveness is warranted.