Now we hear this a lot if you want to change your life you must change yourself but as with any global statement this is rendered absolutely meaningless. Change yourself to what? And why? These are very pertinent questions.
And if you are changing yourself to some external end without questioning whether that external end is suitable for you or not then changing yourself is fraught with potential disaster. Right?
So before you even think about changing yourself think about your reasons – why and if it’s actually an instruction that you have received, who was giving that instruction, for what purpose?
In truth, everything that you have within you currently is perfect. It’s perfect for your purposes, it’s perfect enough to be able to live your life splendidly. So if there is anything you want to be changing, it should be becoming more yourself rather than changing to suit some unidentified goal or direction.
Very often this happens in relationships where we want a particular relationship and it could be for all the the right reasons, it could be that we are just deluding ourselves about something or that the object of our desire is very desirable. However all of this cannot trump whether that relationship is good for you, whether that person is a good match for you.
If this has not been taken into consideration and then you change yourself in order to fit that relationship what’s going to happen?
Sooner or later that change is going to become unbearable, if it’s not something that’s true to you. Certainly unmanageable for any great length of time, again if you have changed for reasons other than finding satisfaction and finding happiness and finding joy.
Having said that more often than not we can fool ourselves into thinking the things that we’re really, really, really want in life will bring us this joy and happiness and satisfaction and the reality is they don’t. And we only find this out at a later date.
You will know that you have made this mistake because that change you made in yourself becomes unsustainable.
Don’t take this “change yourself” and also every piece of advice that has “change” in it, don’t take it at face value, there’s that wonderful one as well “Be the change you wish to see in the world” but if that change is not something that encompasses your strong points or your forte that change might well be the change that breaks you.
So take advice like this to heart in the sense that you examine it and you think rationally and carefully what that means for you before taking any action.