So let’s talk about this working hard at relationships business – it’s such an unnecessary perception, that relationships are hard work or even that relationships should be hard work or what is more commonly taught that you should work hard at relationships.
So in my book that is all the nonsense, relationships can and should be absolute pleasures. And if they are hard work why have them?
So why might they be hard work? They are hard work for one reason and one reason only – that relationship is not a good fit for you. If you are compatible then there is no effort. Your very foundation upon which the relationship is built is sturdy. It suits you. It’s a natural fit. So there’s no work in that.
There is just the adjustments and arrangements that come naturally to make the other person happy, to make your existence harmonious. No hard work involved.
The problem with thinking about relationships as requiring work, as something that you need to adjust is this: you accept any sort of relationship into your life for any sort of reason and then go about the business of making it work.
I would say this is putting the cart before the horse! Much better to find relationships that suit you, to find relationships that nourish you and then learn from them and then see what that relationship shows you about yourself in a growing sort of way, where you are more because of that relationship, you feel more comfortable in your skin, you feel more comfortable with the other person. And then you have a relationship that just gets richer and fuller and more fulfilling as it grows.
So yes you are making adjustments and yes you are learning about each other but it is in a positive direction.
It’s not hard work that saps your energy.
So relationships that are hard work, that make you tired, definitely take off your agenda.