The other thing that leads us to believe that relationships are tough and that good ones are hard to find and also that leads to a lot of disappointment in relationships, is this hankering over someone because of their potential.
So we see that bright light of a gorgeous relationship with someone because of qualities we think they could develop and so we pursue that relationship. Qualities that someone can develop are not within your power to bring about. You can’t make it happen.
And so to take a decision based on that idea is a little bit of folly, actually, and a lot of potential betrayal and disappointment waiting in the wings.
So why do we do it?
Possibly we do it because we think this is an almost perfect fit. If only they could do XYZ.
If you find yourself thinking with this phrase in any sentence “if only” I would highly recommend you stop that activity, whatever that activity is actually, not just restricted to relationships, stop and think what is that “if only” about?
Because as they say “if wishes were horses, beggars would ride” and well, you see the reality of many horse riding beggars… though I hate to use that word.
But anyway, you know it is so futile to hinge your own life, hinge your relationships on possibilities that may or may not manifest. And very often they don’t. As we can see in the number of broken relationships or conflict between people or conflict in your situation.
So today actually, a simple task for you – think of everywhere in your life where you have this phrase “if only” and what are you attaching it to? And then examine that thing that you’re attaching it to for its usefulness in the here and now.