What are you really grieving about when you experience bad breakups? #beyourownguru #BYOG
One of the reasons why do we may be more inclined to forgive and probably why forgiveness is a much lauded thing, is that if we don’t forgive, if we say that someone has hurt us beyond what we can bear and beyond what we are prepared to put up with, then that means that that relationship or that situation is broken.
We have to move on, we have to eliminate it from our lives, right?
And that’s a scary, sad, sorrowful thing. Regardless of what the situation is. Loss is loss. And there is the whole grieving process associated with it.
But I want to go over the anatomy of that loss for you.
And this is the brilliant thing about dealing with truth. Because when you have such a breakup, what is happening when you mourn and when you grieve?
You are not actually grieving for the relationship or the situation that you are leaving. What you are actually grieving about, if you really think about it, is the loss of the illusion that you had about that relationship or that situation.
Because the illusions you had about it was what kept the situation going. If you look at the reality of it or when you looked at the reality of it, you found it was not so and so, of course, it had to go.
So the positive side of that, is you can’t really lose something that’s real, right? Because what you see is what you get.
So if you at this moment are suffering through a bad break up or you are trying to figure out whether you should break up, think about this, there is no downside *no downside* for seeing what is actually in front of you and dealing with it for itself. Letting it live or die on its own merit.
And if you decide to let it go because it has no merit, then realize, all through the painful days that follow, that what you are crying about is the loss of your illusions. And that is no bad thing. Let them go.
Because illusions are a very poor foundation on which to build your life.